1
00:00:07,034 --> 00:00:08,173
Watch me.

2
00:00:11,758 --> 00:00:12,793
Voila!

3
00:00:13,965 --> 00:00:14,965
I gave birth.

4
00:00:24,656 --> 00:00:26,656
Why does she have to
interview for preschool?

5
00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:28,872
If we want to get her into the
best schools later, we have...

6
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:30,816
I understand she has to
go to the best preschool.

7
00:00:30,862 --> 00:00:33,828
It's just... I don't know.
It's just all so creepy.

8
00:00:33,965 --> 00:00:35,725
You know what I
did for preschool?

9
00:00:35,863 --> 00:00:38,743
I bounced tiny trucks off Ira's head,
until it was time for kindergarten.

10
00:00:39,449 --> 00:00:42,552
There you go. Let's show
daddy your manicure. Look.

11
00:00:43,138 --> 00:00:44,965
Oh, stunning!

12
00:00:45,103 --> 00:00:47,103
Stunning. Hey, you know what?

13
00:00:47,242 --> 00:00:48,642
Even if you blow
the essay question,

14
00:00:48,759 --> 00:00:49,999
they'll take you on your nails.

15
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,552
Okay. You take her.

16
00:00:52,690 --> 00:00:54,518
Mommy's gonna
eat a piece of turkey.

17
00:00:54,656 --> 00:00:55,759
Daddy's in charge.

18
00:00:55,897 --> 00:00:57,000
Hey, hey!

19
00:00:57,138 --> 00:00:58,459
She says daddy's in
charge, but you know what?

20
00:00:58,483 --> 00:00:59,483
Not really.

21
00:01:01,621 --> 00:01:03,390
Hey, do you know what
happened to all those coupons?

22
00:01:03,414 --> 00:01:05,035
What coupons?

23
00:01:05,173 --> 00:01:06,597
The free-stuff coupons that we're
supposed to send to uncle Phil.

24
00:01:06,621 --> 00:01:07,621
Look in the drawer.

25
00:01:07,759 --> 00:01:09,449
All right, 'cause we
need them for today.

26
00:01:09,587 --> 00:01:11,759
Yeah, he wants to buy
Mabel that teeter-totter.

27
00:01:11,897 --> 00:01:13,656
He said there's a coupon for it.

28
00:01:14,828 --> 00:01:16,828
He said there's also
one for talcum powder.

29
00:01:16,966 --> 00:01:18,149
We should have
one for tuna fish,

30
00:01:18,173 --> 00:01:20,483
and something
about discount veal.

31
00:01:23,311 --> 00:01:24,345
What?

32
00:01:24,932 --> 00:01:25,932
The baby.

33
00:01:25,966 --> 00:01:26,966
The baby! Yes!

34
00:01:27,104 --> 00:01:28,794
The baby, I forgot. Okay.

35
00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:31,242
I forgot.

36
00:01:31,380 --> 00:01:33,666
Hey, look at this one. 50
percent off crunchy peanut butter.

37
00:01:33,690 --> 00:01:34,690
What size?

38
00:01:34,794 --> 00:01:36,035
Uh,

39
00:01:36,174 --> 00:01:38,242
"Fifteen-pound drum only."

40
00:01:40,001 --> 00:01:41,414
Exactly. Why does he need that?

41
00:01:41,552 --> 00:01:44,174
Honey, needs it, uses
it, not so important.

42
00:01:44,311 --> 00:01:46,139
But get it for less, yes!

43
00:01:47,414 --> 00:01:49,070
Why doesn't he clip
his own coupons?

44
00:01:49,208 --> 00:01:51,345
Oh, he does, but he also
takes ours and my parents

45
00:01:51,483 --> 00:01:52,794
and everybody in the world's,

46
00:01:52,932 --> 00:01:54,321
then he goes into a store
and just unloads them.

47
00:01:54,345 --> 00:01:55,897
It's a felony. You know that.

48
00:01:56,035 --> 00:01:57,139
What's a felony?

49
00:01:57,277 --> 00:01:58,966
It is. I read a whole
thing in The Times

50
00:01:59,104 --> 00:02:03,208
about some woman who made, like, $60,000
clipping coupons. They threw her in jail.

51
00:02:03,346 --> 00:02:04,621
Really? Was she in the cell

52
00:02:04,759 --> 00:02:06,959
with all the people who tear
the tags off of mattresses?

53
00:02:08,518 --> 00:02:10,381
I'm telling you,
it's a real thing.

54
00:02:10,518 --> 00:02:12,115
All right. When we
go to the store today,

55
00:02:12,139 --> 00:02:13,621
you explain it to uncle Phil.

56
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:16,104
Yeah. Would you be
tremendously upset

57
00:02:16,243 --> 00:02:18,104
if I didn't go with you to that?

58
00:02:18,587 --> 00:02:19,587
Why?

59
00:02:19,690 --> 00:02:22,001
Uh, I'm supposed to
do this thing with Ira.

60
00:02:22,139 --> 00:02:23,621
What thing?

61
00:02:23,759 --> 00:02:26,070
It's, uh, with Ira. Oh! What
did people do before turkey?

62
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:28,908
What kind of a thing
are you doing with Ira?

63
00:02:28,932 --> 00:02:32,346
Mmm, it's something, uh, it's
something he wants me to do with him.

64
00:02:32,484 --> 00:02:33,604
He wants me to do something.

65
00:02:35,070 --> 00:02:36,080
What, you don't know what it is?

66
00:02:36,104 --> 00:02:37,208
Uh, it's like, um...

67
00:02:37,346 --> 00:02:38,466
What, like a personal thing?

68
00:02:38,553 --> 00:02:39,553
I think so.

69
00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:42,277
Ira needs you for
something personal?

70
00:02:42,415 --> 00:02:43,587
I think that's what it is.

71
00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:47,277
You're seriously
not gonna tell me?

72
00:02:47,415 --> 00:02:49,346
I think it's, like,
this personal thing.

73
00:02:49,794 --> 00:02:50,794
Love you.

74
00:02:53,759 --> 00:02:56,553
So, tell me about Mabel.

75
00:02:56,690 --> 00:02:58,828
She loves music and dancing.

76
00:02:58,966 --> 00:03:00,139
She really loves books.

77
00:03:00,277 --> 00:03:01,759
Loves books.

78
00:03:01,897 --> 00:03:03,725
She has a real ear
for the spoken word.

79
00:03:03,863 --> 00:03:05,932
And languages, especially
foreign languages.

80
00:03:06,070 --> 00:03:07,691
And Mabel is how old?

81
00:03:07,828 --> 00:03:10,001
Uh, end of next week,
she'll be almost a month.

82
00:03:11,622 --> 00:03:14,104
Ms. Paris, Justin wants
you to hug him goodbye.

83
00:03:14,243 --> 00:03:16,070
Will you please excuse
me just for one moment?

84
00:03:16,208 --> 00:03:17,622
PAUL andamp; JAMIE: Sure

85
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:19,897
So, where are you going
with Ira that's so personal?

86
00:03:20,035 --> 00:03:21,966
Nowhere. Is this
dress too cutesy?

87
00:03:22,104 --> 00:03:24,035
Huh? No. Is he
sick or something?

88
00:03:24,174 --> 00:03:25,277
Who's that?

89
00:03:25,415 --> 00:03:26,415
Ira. No.

90
00:03:27,863 --> 00:03:29,312
Is he getting another perm?

91
00:03:30,932 --> 00:03:32,312
I'm not gonna
tell you, so drop it.

92
00:03:33,726 --> 00:03:35,415
I'm sorry for the interruption.

93
00:03:35,553 --> 00:03:36,932
No problem. That's okay.

94
00:03:37,070 --> 00:03:38,346
Well... Did we mention museums?

95
00:03:38,484 --> 00:03:40,364
'Cause we're taking her
to museums all the time.

96
00:03:40,450 --> 00:03:41,829
You did. Listen,

97
00:03:41,966 --> 00:03:44,139
Mabel seems like
a wonderful child,

98
00:03:44,277 --> 00:03:45,677
and you seem like
wonderful parents.

99
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:46,726
Thanks. Thanks

100
00:03:46,795 --> 00:03:47,933
Well, a child is such a...

101
00:03:48,070 --> 00:03:50,657
Listen, I'm going to be
presenting your application

102
00:03:50,795 --> 00:03:52,315
to our board of
directors this evening,

103
00:03:52,381 --> 00:03:54,046
and we should have an
answer for you tomorrow.

104
00:03:54,070 --> 00:03:55,104
Okay, great. That's nice.

105
00:03:55,243 --> 00:03:56,403
Thank you. Thank you so much.

106
00:03:57,864 --> 00:03:59,450
I got it. I know what it is.

107
00:03:59,588 --> 00:04:02,312
You and Ira are making a
surprise party for my half birthday.

108
00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:03,450
Yeah. That's it.

109
00:04:06,243 --> 00:04:07,243
The dolphin, right?

110
00:04:07,312 --> 00:04:08,312
Ira: that's the one.

111
00:04:08,381 --> 00:04:10,070
Wait! What now?

112
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:11,608
Maybe we should
go for the starfish.

113
00:04:11,726 --> 00:04:12,795
Oh... I'm sorry.

114
00:04:12,933 --> 00:04:14,415
No. Hey, you take your time.

115
00:04:14,553 --> 00:04:16,002
This is a very
important decision.

116
00:04:16,139 --> 00:04:18,726
I'll tell you what. I'm
gonna go in the other room.

117
00:04:18,864 --> 00:04:21,139
Why don't you and your old
man put your heads together

118
00:04:21,277 --> 00:04:22,588
and see if you can pick a fish.

119
00:04:26,243 --> 00:04:28,174
What? Well, he thinks
we're together, you and I.

120
00:04:28,312 --> 00:04:30,381
Yeah. How about an Aztec sun?

121
00:04:30,519 --> 00:04:33,415
Oh, that's cool. I'll bet
you Paulie would love that.

122
00:04:33,553 --> 00:04:36,415
Don't say a word of this
to him, you understand?

123
00:04:36,553 --> 00:04:39,209
James, you know,
I got to tell you.

124
00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:41,450
I'm not privy to
the intimate details

125
00:04:41,588 --> 00:04:43,002
of your personal life,

126
00:04:43,140 --> 00:04:45,598
But it seems to me that if you're
gonna get a tattoo on your body,

127
00:04:45,622 --> 00:04:47,864
your husband is gonna
stumble upon it eventually.

128
00:04:48,002 --> 00:04:50,002
Yeah, eventually. By
that time, it'll be mine

129
00:04:50,140 --> 00:04:51,540
and he won't be
able to take it away

130
00:04:51,588 --> 00:04:53,933
Or talk me out of
it or make fun of it.

131
00:04:54,071 --> 00:04:56,209
He is gonna eat this
thing up, I'm telling you.

132
00:04:56,346 --> 00:04:59,002
There is nothing sexier to a
guy than a woman with a tattoo.

133
00:04:59,140 --> 00:05:01,071
I just wanted to do something.

134
00:05:01,209 --> 00:05:03,553
I'm telling you, it's okay.
You want to look cool.

135
00:05:03,691 --> 00:05:05,105
I don't want to look cool.

136
00:05:05,244 --> 00:05:07,967
I understand. I do.
You want to feel sexy.

137
00:05:08,105 --> 00:05:09,105
It's not about...

138
00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:10,967
You want to feel
a little bit funky.

139
00:05:11,105 --> 00:05:12,347
Not funky. I...

140
00:05:12,484 --> 00:05:13,874
You want to do
something unconventional.

141
00:05:13,898 --> 00:05:15,943
You want to do something
with a little edge, a little bite.

142
00:05:15,967 --> 00:05:18,657
You want to be reminded
of who you used to be.

143
00:05:18,795 --> 00:05:20,075
Yes. Yeah. You
want to look cool.

144
00:05:20,105 --> 00:05:21,105
Oh...

145
00:05:21,175 --> 00:05:22,175
So what do you think?

146
00:05:22,244 --> 00:05:23,657
I can't make up my mind.

147
00:05:23,795 --> 00:05:25,175
W-we're gonna sleep on it.

148
00:05:25,313 --> 00:05:26,829
All right. Okay, we'll be back.

149
00:05:28,864 --> 00:05:30,424
Sorry about the old
ball and chain, pal.

150
00:05:30,553 --> 00:05:31,553
Say no more.

151
00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:38,036
All right, here we are.

152
00:05:38,175 --> 00:05:39,726
Found the yellow
truck, uncle Phil

153
00:05:40,554 --> 00:05:41,554
Uncle Phil?

154
00:05:43,071 --> 00:05:44,554
This is already a cute hat.

155
00:05:45,313 --> 00:05:46,313
Oh...

156
00:05:48,451 --> 00:05:49,451
Great.

157
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:53,520
And not only is it a hat,

158
00:05:53,657 --> 00:05:56,382
You take the ears, you
wrap it around your throat...

159
00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:57,589
Bang! You got a scarf.

160
00:05:58,313 --> 00:05:59,416
It's a wonderful hat.

161
00:05:59,554 --> 00:06:00,771
For winter, winter
in New York... Sure.

162
00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:01,933
Coming soon. It's perfect.

163
00:06:02,071 --> 00:06:03,071
Not only that...

164
00:06:03,209 --> 00:06:05,278
Could be a hat, could be a dog.

165
00:06:05,416 --> 00:06:07,589
Make an intruder
think twice, see? Sure.

166
00:06:07,726 --> 00:06:09,589
Put it in a dark room,
intruder comes in,

167
00:06:09,727 --> 00:06:11,623
He says, "it's only a hat. Ooh!

168
00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:12,795
It's a dog."

169
00:06:12,933 --> 00:06:15,244
Now he's scared.
You could scare him.

170
00:06:15,382 --> 00:06:16,840
That's the hat my
daughter has to have.

171
00:06:16,864 --> 00:06:18,520
Your daughter
will love this hat.

172
00:06:18,658 --> 00:06:20,323
I can't believe how much
stuff you're giving her.

173
00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:22,347
Ah, let a man be generous.

174
00:06:22,485 --> 00:06:24,278
Let a man give to a child.

175
00:06:24,416 --> 00:06:27,796
Well, it's just... it's just
that you're giving so much.

176
00:06:27,933 --> 00:06:29,658
Well, it costs me
virtually nothing.

177
00:06:29,796 --> 00:06:30,840
What are you talking about?

178
00:06:30,864 --> 00:06:32,105
Coupons!

179
00:06:32,244 --> 00:06:33,427
You've got coupons
for everything here?

180
00:06:33,451 --> 00:06:34,727
See that hat? Yeah.

181
00:06:34,865 --> 00:06:36,967
Thirty dollars in the
store with these coupons

182
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,105
What? I don't know.

183
00:06:38,209 --> 00:06:39,209
Seven Cents.

184
00:06:40,382 --> 00:06:41,702
I don't know 'cause
Jamie told me,

185
00:06:41,830 --> 00:06:43,565
that if you use these, sometimes
you can get into trouble.

186
00:06:43,589 --> 00:06:44,692
Trouble.

187
00:06:44,830 --> 00:06:46,185
Well, she said trouble.
You can get into trouble.

188
00:06:46,209 --> 00:06:47,392
Look here. It
says, "violators"...

189
00:06:47,416 --> 00:06:48,485
Violators, shmiolators.

190
00:06:48,623 --> 00:06:49,863
"Violators will be prosecuted."

191
00:06:49,899 --> 00:06:51,968
Prosecuted, shmosecuted.
Will you stop already?

192
00:06:52,105 --> 00:06:53,485
It's what they said.

193
00:06:53,623 --> 00:06:55,289
Look. See the dotted
line, all the dotted lines?

194
00:06:55,313 --> 00:06:57,233
You know why they put
this? it's not an eye test.

195
00:06:57,278 --> 00:06:59,761
They put them there for you to
cut. They want you to take them.

196
00:06:59,899 --> 00:07:01,830
All right. They're hurt
when you don't take them.

197
00:07:01,968 --> 00:07:03,599
All right. I'm just
looking at what it says.

198
00:07:03,623 --> 00:07:05,599
"Only one per customer." You're only
supposed to have one per customer.

199
00:07:05,623 --> 00:07:06,899
One per customer, sure.

200
00:07:07,037 --> 00:07:08,313
Well, I'm a customer. Right.

201
00:07:08,451 --> 00:07:09,589
You're a customer. Yes.

202
00:07:09,727 --> 00:07:10,727
Ira's a customer.

203
00:07:10,796 --> 00:07:12,081
You got these
from every relative?

204
00:07:12,105 --> 00:07:13,392
I get them from
not only relatives,

205
00:07:13,416 --> 00:07:15,037
I get them from neighbors,

206
00:07:15,175 --> 00:07:16,520
people in the building.

207
00:07:16,658 --> 00:07:17,658
I'm very popular.

208
00:07:17,727 --> 00:07:19,278
I'll tell ya.

209
00:07:19,416 --> 00:07:22,934
If I were to decide,
today to run for mayor,

210
00:07:23,072 --> 00:07:25,152
I'm telling ya. I wouldn't
lose by more than 5 votes.

211
00:07:26,416 --> 00:07:27,554
Six, the most. All right.

212
00:07:27,692 --> 00:07:28,692
So we'll use the coupons.

213
00:07:28,796 --> 00:07:30,658
I don't know, I always
heard growing up,

214
00:07:30,796 --> 00:07:32,692
there's no such
thing as a free lunch.

215
00:07:32,830 --> 00:07:33,934
Here. Free lunch.

216
00:07:36,692 --> 00:07:38,372
All right. When you're
right, you're right.

217
00:07:38,485 --> 00:07:39,565
Absolutely. I think we got,

218
00:07:39,589 --> 00:07:40,737
more than anything
a child... Wait.

219
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,485
Could possibly... Wait a minute.

220
00:07:42,623 --> 00:07:44,245
Ointments. We got ointments.

221
00:07:44,382 --> 00:07:48,279
Don't tell me a child couldn't
use baby oil, a little baby cream.

222
00:07:48,416 --> 00:07:49,968
We have plenty of that.

223
00:07:50,106 --> 00:07:52,865
Every child needs more
baby cream than you think.

224
00:07:53,003 --> 00:07:56,382
The average 10-pound
child, I would say,

225
00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:58,968
Is about Eight pounds child,

226
00:07:59,106 --> 00:08:01,830
two Pounds ointment,
creams, and emollients.

227
00:08:01,968 --> 00:08:03,451
I didn't know that. Absolutely.

228
00:08:03,589 --> 00:08:05,069
Then we'd be foolish
not to take that.

229
00:08:05,176 --> 00:08:07,348
No. Let's take
more. What the hell.

230
00:08:07,485 --> 00:08:09,106
All right. I think
we're covered.

231
00:08:09,245 --> 00:08:10,290
That's three, we should load up.

232
00:08:10,314 --> 00:08:11,451
We're loaded up.

233
00:08:11,589 --> 00:08:13,968
You're gonna have
a shiny, smooth child.

234
00:08:14,106 --> 00:08:15,106
Okay.

235
00:08:16,348 --> 00:08:17,451
Hi, can I help you?

236
00:08:17,589 --> 00:08:18,727
Yeah. Absolutely.

237
00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:21,934
We would like to
redeem these coupons.

238
00:08:22,796 --> 00:08:25,899
We have some more coupons here.

239
00:08:26,037 --> 00:08:29,968
We have just a few
more... Here to redeem.

240
00:08:30,106 --> 00:08:31,245
Thank you very much. Okay.

241
00:08:31,383 --> 00:08:33,279
And if we're not being
too presumptuous,

242
00:08:33,417 --> 00:08:35,968
we have more over here.

243
00:08:36,106 --> 00:08:42,348
And let's not forget that diligently
saving gives us even more...

244
00:08:42,486 --> 00:08:45,106
Coupons, coupons,
coupons, coupons.

245
00:08:45,245 --> 00:08:46,314
Excuse me...

246
00:08:46,452 --> 00:08:48,555
You're saying all of
these coupons are yours?

247
00:08:48,692 --> 00:08:49,727
Of course.

248
00:08:49,865 --> 00:08:50,865
Really, all of these?

249
00:08:51,003 --> 00:08:52,123
Every one, every single one.

250
00:08:53,348 --> 00:08:54,555
And you want to redeem them?

251
00:08:54,692 --> 00:08:56,761
I want to redeem
them. Yes, I do.

252
00:08:56,899 --> 00:08:58,659
Uh, I'll be right back.

253
00:08:58,796 --> 00:09:00,956
You'll be right back, and
we'll be here waiting for you

254
00:09:01,072 --> 00:09:04,141
to come right back here
to redeem the coupons.

255
00:09:04,279 --> 00:09:06,210
I had no idea you had
this many coupons.

256
00:09:06,348 --> 00:09:07,628
We could get in
trouble for this.

257
00:09:07,659 --> 00:09:08,939
No trouble. You could because...

258
00:09:09,072 --> 00:09:10,865
Oh, please. You're such
a gloomy doomy guy.

259
00:09:11,003 --> 00:09:12,141
No. This is what...

260
00:09:12,279 --> 00:09:14,830
This is America. It's
America. Think positive.

261
00:09:14,968 --> 00:09:16,314
Paulie, listen to your uncle.

262
00:09:16,452 --> 00:09:17,762
♪ Beyond

263
00:09:17,899 --> 00:09:20,590
♪ The blue horizon

264
00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:21,728
I get it, but still...

265
00:09:21,797 --> 00:09:23,452
♪ It's a beautiful day

266
00:09:23,590 --> 00:09:24,624
Yes. Of coarse.

267
00:09:24,762 --> 00:09:27,314
♪ Goodbye to things that bore me

268
00:09:27,452 --> 00:09:28,452
Together!

269
00:09:28,521 --> 00:09:31,831
♪ My future's waiting for me

270
00:09:31,968 --> 00:09:33,866
But... ♪ I see a new

271
00:09:34,003 --> 00:09:35,659
♪ I see a new

272
00:09:35,797 --> 00:09:37,314
♪ I see... ♪

273
00:09:38,176 --> 00:09:39,934
I see big trouble.

274
00:09:40,072 --> 00:09:41,245
Yes.

275
00:09:44,555 --> 00:09:46,900
Mom, we all have to go to court.

276
00:09:47,037 --> 00:09:49,452
Ma, look, it's just a
preliminary hearing.

277
00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:51,176
Yeah, it's a hearing.

278
00:09:51,314 --> 00:09:54,590
I don't know. I'm sure a
pants suit would be fine.

279
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:56,003
What school could turn down

280
00:09:56,141 --> 00:09:57,866
such an obviously
artistic child?

281
00:09:58,004 --> 00:09:59,210
They'll be lucky to have her.

282
00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:01,383
Now, don't cry. Ma, don't cry.

283
00:10:01,521 --> 00:10:02,693
Don't...

284
00:10:02,831 --> 00:10:04,106
Mom's crying.

285
00:10:04,245 --> 00:10:05,590
I'll get these paints put away.

286
00:10:05,728 --> 00:10:07,014
Why don't you get her
washed up for the interview?

287
00:10:07,038 --> 00:10:09,072
Okay. Somebody needs
to get their feet washed.

288
00:10:09,210 --> 00:10:10,693
Not too hot with
the water, honey.

289
00:10:10,831 --> 00:10:11,831
I know.

290
00:10:15,831 --> 00:10:16,831
What did you just say?

291
00:10:17,452 --> 00:10:18,590
What?

292
00:10:18,728 --> 00:10:19,866
You just call her "honey"?

293
00:10:20,279 --> 00:10:21,279
No.

294
00:10:24,142 --> 00:10:25,521
Okay, but I didn't mean to.

295
00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:27,555
What is going on with you two?

296
00:10:27,969 --> 00:10:29,107
Nothing.

297
00:10:29,245 --> 00:10:30,704
Come on, you're using
terms of endearment.

298
00:10:30,728 --> 00:10:32,521
You're going on
secret errands together.

299
00:10:33,797 --> 00:10:34,900
I know what it is.

300
00:10:35,038 --> 00:10:36,314
Are you guys getting married?

301
00:10:37,693 --> 00:10:39,142
Is that it? Just tell me,

302
00:10:39,279 --> 00:10:41,279
'Cause I don't want to
hear about it on the street.

303
00:10:41,659 --> 00:10:43,004
You're embarrassing me.

304
00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:44,773
Just tell me what the
secret errand is. Come on.

305
00:10:44,797 --> 00:10:45,837
Don't do this to me, okay?

306
00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:47,969
I promised her I
would not tell you.

307
00:10:48,107 --> 00:10:49,107
You promised her?

308
00:10:49,417 --> 00:10:50,417
Yes.

309
00:10:50,486 --> 00:10:51,762
She said she promised you.

310
00:10:51,900 --> 00:10:53,038
Oh. Whatever it is.

311
00:10:53,177 --> 00:10:54,452
Wait, wait, wait.

312
00:10:54,590 --> 00:10:56,211
So this is not even
your personal thing?

313
00:10:56,348 --> 00:10:57,486
It's her personal thing?

314
00:10:58,866 --> 00:11:00,555
I don't even know
what you're saying.

315
00:11:02,142 --> 00:11:04,383
I can't believe your
loyalty is to her over me.

316
00:11:04,521 --> 00:11:06,004
Hey, I didn't say that Paulie...

317
00:11:06,142 --> 00:11:08,384
Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

318
00:11:08,521 --> 00:11:09,521
Paulie...

319
00:11:09,590 --> 00:11:10,659
Would you... just come on.

320
00:11:10,797 --> 00:11:12,349
I will never tell her
that you told me.

321
00:11:13,315 --> 00:11:14,728
You promise? Yes.

322
00:11:15,831 --> 00:11:16,831
Okay, so, if I tell you,

323
00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:18,797
It's not like I broke
my promise, right?

324
00:11:18,935 --> 00:11:20,797
In a mind without
shame, not at all.

325
00:11:22,831 --> 00:11:24,107
Okay, hey.

326
00:11:24,246 --> 00:11:25,487
She's getting a tattoo.

327
00:11:26,590 --> 00:11:27,590
She's what?

328
00:11:27,659 --> 00:11:29,038
Yeah. See? Oh, why...

329
00:11:29,177 --> 00:11:30,360
That's exactly why
she didn't tell you,

330
00:11:30,384 --> 00:11:32,049
because she knew you
could not be supportive.

331
00:11:32,073 --> 00:11:34,280
Why would I be supportive
of something stupid like that?

332
00:11:34,418 --> 00:11:36,453
Why... What's the matter
with getting a tattoo?

333
00:11:36,590 --> 00:11:38,900
Oh, it's just... why,
why, come on. Hey.

334
00:11:39,038 --> 00:11:40,762
First of all, it's unhealthy.

335
00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:41,969
It's perfectly healthy.

336
00:11:42,107 --> 00:11:43,453
All right. I don't like it.

337
00:11:43,591 --> 00:11:44,935
Paulie, come on.

338
00:11:45,073 --> 00:11:49,831
And also, she's defacing the
god-given perfection that is her.

339
00:11:50,900 --> 00:11:51,900
Well, that's a good one.

340
00:11:52,038 --> 00:11:53,038
Yeah, see?

341
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:54,797
You know what I mean?

342
00:11:54,831 --> 00:11:56,591
But, if I may, it is her body.

343
00:11:57,487 --> 00:12:00,935
Okay, A, you may not. All right?

344
00:12:01,073 --> 00:12:03,694
And Two... would
you put a tattoo

345
00:12:03,831 --> 00:12:04,831
On the Mona Lisa, huh?

346
00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:06,384
Would you tattoo
the venus de milo?

347
00:12:06,522 --> 00:12:07,522
If they ask me to.

348
00:12:08,453 --> 00:12:11,280
Y-you don't mess
with perfection, okay?

349
00:12:11,418 --> 00:12:12,876
All right, all right.
You make a point.

350
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:14,807
Yes, I made a point. Now,
I'm gonna make it to Jamie.

351
00:12:14,831 --> 00:12:16,211
Paulie, no. Wait.

352
00:12:16,349 --> 00:12:18,763
I don't want James to
know I broke her confidence.

353
00:12:18,900 --> 00:12:21,140
Well, you should have thought
of that before you told me.

354
00:12:22,763 --> 00:12:24,487
Let me talk to her, all right?

355
00:12:24,625 --> 00:12:26,522
When? In my own time.

356
00:12:26,660 --> 00:12:29,073
What are you gonna say?
I'll say something good.

357
00:12:29,211 --> 00:12:30,532
All right, you
better, 'cause if not,

358
00:12:30,556 --> 00:12:31,556
What?

359
00:12:31,694 --> 00:12:32,974
I'm not gonna let you marry her.

360
00:12:36,315 --> 00:12:38,004
Okay, here we go.

361
00:12:38,142 --> 00:12:40,211
Wait, wait. Okay. Come on.

362
00:12:40,349 --> 00:12:41,384
What is it?

363
00:12:41,522 --> 00:12:42,867
Have you by any chance, read...

364
00:12:43,004 --> 00:12:45,107
This month's new england
journal of medicine?

365
00:12:47,591 --> 00:12:48,660
This month's? No.

366
00:12:48,798 --> 00:12:50,591
There was an article
on tattooing is all.

367
00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:53,107
And, you know,
apparently in many cases,

368
00:12:53,246 --> 00:12:55,073
Uh, a festering takes place.

369
00:12:55,867 --> 00:12:57,073
A festering?

370
00:12:57,211 --> 00:13:00,211
Yeah. The body,
sometimes rejects the ink.

371
00:13:00,349 --> 00:13:01,694
Rejects the ink?

372
00:13:01,832 --> 00:13:03,418
Oh, for god's sake.

373
00:13:03,556 --> 00:13:05,142
I'm just telling
you what I read.

374
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:09,384
One guy, had to have it erased,
and he was allergic to the eraser.

375
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:11,246
Oh, my god. What?

376
00:13:11,384 --> 00:13:12,729
He got to you. Who?

377
00:13:12,867 --> 00:13:13,867
Paul. No.

378
00:13:13,936 --> 00:13:15,315
Yes, he did. What?

379
00:13:15,453 --> 00:13:17,487
He got to you, and you
told him about the tattoo.

380
00:13:17,625 --> 00:13:19,970
No! And now you're
his hatchet man.

381
00:13:20,108 --> 00:13:21,877
James, I'm so sorry. I
didn't mean to tell him.

382
00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:23,360
You know what? Go
home. Give me the baby.

383
00:13:23,384 --> 00:13:24,912
No, please... Go
home. I don't need you.

384
00:13:24,936 --> 00:13:27,522
Now, James, if I may
say, in my opinion,

385
00:13:27,660 --> 00:13:29,625
You... you are perfect
the way you are.

386
00:13:29,763 --> 00:13:30,763
Don't start with that.

387
00:13:30,832 --> 00:13:32,522
You two should go
to couple's counseling.

388
00:13:34,178 --> 00:13:35,660
I wasn't going to
say anything, James,

389
00:13:35,798 --> 00:13:38,591
but would you put a
tattoo on whistler's mother?

390
00:13:39,798 --> 00:13:40,832
What?

391
00:13:40,970 --> 00:13:43,625
James, you're
like a masterpiece.

392
00:13:43,763 --> 00:13:44,867
You should not change that.

393
00:13:46,315 --> 00:13:47,798
That's a very
sweet thing to say.

394
00:13:47,936 --> 00:13:50,798
Yeah, it's what
I happen to feel.

395
00:13:50,936 --> 00:13:52,212
Is that you talking or Paul?

396
00:13:52,349 --> 00:13:53,349
It's me.

397
00:13:53,694 --> 00:13:54,694
You swear?

398
00:13:54,729 --> 00:13:56,522
Yes.

399
00:13:56,660 --> 00:13:58,625
Why doesn't Paul ever
say things like that?

400
00:14:00,143 --> 00:14:01,694
I can only speak for myself.

401
00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:08,178
On behalf of the Hanover
school, congratulations

402
00:14:08,316 --> 00:14:09,867
We'd like to welcome
Mabel to the fold.

403
00:14:10,005 --> 00:14:12,074
Thank you so much. Very much.

404
00:14:12,212 --> 00:14:13,867
Now just some other
standard questions.

405
00:14:14,005 --> 00:14:15,005
Shoot.

406
00:14:15,074 --> 00:14:16,522
Are you both U.S. Citizens?

407
00:14:16,660 --> 00:14:18,074
Both born and bred.

408
00:14:18,212 --> 00:14:21,212
Very good. And you
reside in New York city?

409
00:14:21,350 --> 00:14:22,798
Yes, we do.

410
00:14:22,936 --> 00:14:25,096
One last question, and I
hate to even have to ask this,

411
00:14:25,143 --> 00:14:28,522
But you've never been
convicted of a felony, have you?

412
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:29,763
No, we haven't.

413
00:14:33,454 --> 00:14:35,108
When you say "convicted"...

414
00:14:37,247 --> 00:14:38,729
I had her in the school.

415
00:14:38,867 --> 00:14:40,387
All right, I panicked,
okay? I'm sorry.

416
00:14:40,454 --> 00:14:42,557
No one has been
convicted of anything.

417
00:14:42,694 --> 00:14:45,419
I never even used
the coupons. Never.

418
00:14:45,557 --> 00:14:47,454
I just clipped them
and sent them to Phil

419
00:14:47,592 --> 00:14:49,074
As per his instructions.

420
00:14:49,212 --> 00:14:51,350
What he did with them
is not our business.

421
00:14:51,488 --> 00:14:53,385
We should not be here today.

422
00:14:53,523 --> 00:14:55,592
We're all in this
together, okay?

423
00:14:55,729 --> 00:14:57,970
Yes, yes, but it's
entirely his fault.

424
00:14:58,108 --> 00:15:01,074
Look, he's going down and
is taking us down with him.

425
00:15:01,212 --> 00:15:03,350
All right... Next case.

426
00:15:03,488 --> 00:15:06,419
Docket number 4736,

427
00:15:06,557 --> 00:15:10,832
The colossal food andamp; toy
company vs. Phillip Irwin buchman.

428
00:15:10,970 --> 00:15:12,730
Objection! What?

429
00:15:12,867 --> 00:15:14,970
I don't use the name
"Irwin" anymore.

430
00:15:15,108 --> 00:15:16,178
All right then.

431
00:15:16,764 --> 00:15:18,039
Phillip Buchman.

432
00:15:18,178 --> 00:15:19,626
Better.

433
00:15:19,764 --> 00:15:21,661
Counsel, what is the
nature of your complaint?

434
00:15:21,799 --> 00:15:23,764
Your honor, we will
prove beyond doubt

435
00:15:23,901 --> 00:15:25,074
that Phillip Irwin Buchma...

436
00:15:25,212 --> 00:15:26,212
Hey! Hey!

437
00:15:26,281 --> 00:15:28,419
That Phillip Buchman...

438
00:15:28,557 --> 00:15:31,074
Along with his relatives,
who were willing accomplices,

439
00:15:31,936 --> 00:15:33,557
did knowingly seek to defraud

440
00:15:33,695 --> 00:15:35,868
The colossal food
andamp; toy company

441
00:15:36,005 --> 00:15:37,764
With the unlawful hoarding

442
00:15:37,902 --> 00:15:39,626
and fraudulent redemption,

443
00:15:39,764 --> 00:15:42,005
of price-reduction coupons.

444
00:15:42,523 --> 00:15:43,523
Mr. Buchman...

445
00:15:44,281 --> 00:15:45,488
How do you answer the charges?

446
00:15:45,626 --> 00:15:47,970
The charges are answered
in the following manner:

447
00:15:49,592 --> 00:15:50,730
Response noted.

448
00:15:50,868 --> 00:15:53,178
Now the coupons... Your Honor,

449
00:15:53,316 --> 00:15:55,695
he says "coo-pons",
I say "kew-pons".

450
00:15:55,833 --> 00:15:57,385
Let's call the whole thing off.

451
00:16:01,385 --> 00:16:02,971
Counsel, you may proceed.

452
00:16:03,108 --> 00:16:04,913
I'd like to call to the
stand my first witness...

453
00:16:04,937 --> 00:16:05,937
Mr. Phillip Buchman.

454
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:08,178
Ahh! Just when I
was sitting down.

455
00:16:10,316 --> 00:16:12,350
You know, this is
a travesty of justice.

456
00:16:12,488 --> 00:16:14,188
Do you swear to tell
the truth, the whole truth,

457
00:16:14,212 --> 00:16:15,892
and nothing but the
truth, so help you god?

458
00:16:16,212 --> 00:16:17,523
More than less.

459
00:16:18,419 --> 00:16:20,006
Mr. Buchman...

460
00:16:20,143 --> 00:16:24,281
In order for you to have accumulated
as many coupons as we've confiscated,

461
00:16:24,419 --> 00:16:27,247
You personally, in
the last six months,

462
00:16:27,385 --> 00:16:29,281
would have to have consumed

463
00:16:29,419 --> 00:16:33,109
350 pounds of good
n' salty crackers...

464
00:16:33,247 --> 00:16:35,419
Yes.

465
00:16:35,557 --> 00:16:39,454
1,000 bottles of Dr. Hirsch's
very cherry soft drink...

466
00:16:39,592 --> 00:16:41,144
Yes.

467
00:16:41,281 --> 00:16:45,902
And purchased 380
pounds of pretty kitty cat food.

468
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:47,179
Yes!

469
00:16:48,144 --> 00:16:49,592
Mr. Buchman,

470
00:16:49,730 --> 00:16:52,040
do you even own a cat?

471
00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:54,293
You mean, at the present time
as we're talking to each other?

472
00:16:54,317 --> 00:16:55,695
Yes. No.

473
00:16:57,488 --> 00:16:58,971
All right, Mr. Buchman...

474
00:17:00,695 --> 00:17:02,799
Let's talk about...

475
00:17:03,488 --> 00:17:05,213
The crackers.

476
00:17:05,351 --> 00:17:06,488
All right.

477
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:09,213
Let's talk about the crackers.

478
00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:12,213
You're a thin man.

479
00:17:12,730 --> 00:17:13,730
I read labels.

480
00:17:18,902 --> 00:17:20,455
Now, Mr. Buchman,

481
00:17:20,592 --> 00:17:23,592
Do you seriously mean to
contend that you have eaten

482
00:17:23,730 --> 00:17:27,592
320,000 good n' salty crackers?

483
00:17:27,730 --> 00:17:28,799
Your Honor,

484
00:17:28,937 --> 00:17:30,799
the man is assuming
and presuming.

485
00:17:30,937 --> 00:17:33,695
How does he know what
I eat and what I don't eat?

486
00:17:33,833 --> 00:17:35,179
This man is awash,

487
00:17:35,317 --> 00:17:37,558
afloat in a sea of
assumption and presumption.

488
00:17:37,695 --> 00:17:40,255
Mr. Buchman, this court has
never witnessed anything like this...

489
00:17:40,317 --> 00:17:42,282
Witness, that's a
good idea. Witness.

490
00:17:42,420 --> 00:17:44,593
Your Honor, I'd like
to call my first witness,

491
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:47,170
the guy with the double-breasted
suit and the ferragamo shoes.

492
00:17:49,764 --> 00:17:51,644
Do you swear to tell
the truth, the whole truth,

493
00:17:51,730 --> 00:17:53,189
and nothing but the
truth, so help you god?

494
00:17:53,213 --> 00:17:54,695
I do.

495
00:17:54,833 --> 00:17:57,033
Your Honor, if it please
the court, And I think it will.

496
00:17:58,937 --> 00:18:00,420
You call yourself a lawyer.

497
00:18:00,558 --> 00:18:02,902
Do you have any evidence?

498
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,040
Do you have one eyewitness...

499
00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:10,696
That has seen me not
eat 320,000 crackers?

500
00:18:11,386 --> 00:18:12,386
Well, we...

501
00:18:12,455 --> 00:18:14,558
Did you have an eyewitness

502
00:18:14,696 --> 00:18:17,420
Who saw me not
drink 2,000 bottles

503
00:18:17,558 --> 00:18:19,489
Of very cherry pop delight?

504
00:18:19,627 --> 00:18:20,868
Well... which you need,

505
00:18:21,006 --> 00:18:23,800
by the way, to wash
down 320,000 crackers.

506
00:18:25,593 --> 00:18:28,662
You work for a big fat company.

507
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,144
You're their puppet.

508
00:18:30,282 --> 00:18:33,075
You're the puppet
for a fat company.

509
00:18:33,971 --> 00:18:35,937
And you wanna put me in prison?

510
00:18:36,075 --> 00:18:38,731
A simple, rather
good-looking, little old man.

511
00:18:41,179 --> 00:18:42,869
Shame.

512
00:18:43,524 --> 00:18:45,662
Shame.

513
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:48,524
Think! Think back when
you were a law student,

514
00:18:48,662 --> 00:18:51,420
When you thought you could do
something, you could help people.

515
00:18:51,558 --> 00:18:54,075
You thought about justice,
humanity, and goodness.

516
00:18:54,213 --> 00:18:55,893
And your parents.
Think about your parents,

517
00:18:55,972 --> 00:18:58,248
how they struggled to
send you to law school.

518
00:18:58,386 --> 00:19:00,524
What did they do to
send you to law school?

519
00:19:00,662 --> 00:19:01,834
Well, they...

520
00:19:01,972 --> 00:19:03,007
They what?

521
00:19:03,903 --> 00:19:05,593
They both worked very hard.

522
00:19:05,731 --> 00:19:07,420
Yes, they worked hard. And?

523
00:19:07,558 --> 00:19:08,558
They borrowed money.

524
00:19:08,696 --> 00:19:11,007
And they borrowed money. And?

525
00:19:11,144 --> 00:19:12,696
They cut corners
wherever they could.

526
00:19:12,834 --> 00:19:15,696
They cut... what
else did they cut?

527
00:19:17,420 --> 00:19:18,627
Nothing.

528
00:19:18,765 --> 00:19:21,145
What else did they cut
to send you to law school?

529
00:19:21,282 --> 00:19:22,696
Nothing! They cut nothing!

530
00:19:22,834 --> 00:19:25,834
What else besides
nothing did they cut?

531
00:19:25,972 --> 00:19:26,972
Coupons!

532
00:19:27,041 --> 00:19:28,662
Coupons! They cut coupons!

533
00:19:33,386 --> 00:19:34,593
I rest my case.

534
00:19:34,731 --> 00:19:36,903
Your Honor, let me
hear the magic words.

535
00:19:37,041 --> 00:19:38,489
Case dismissed. Yay!

536
00:19:45,283 --> 00:19:46,662
You wanna see it? - No.

537
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,662
I think you might like it.

538
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:50,145
Okay, let me see it.

539
00:19:50,283 --> 00:19:52,455
It's just, you know,
you're my wife,

540
00:19:52,593 --> 00:19:54,972
You're the mother of my child.

541
00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:58,386
Defaced, defaced like
a high-school locker.

542
00:19:58,524 --> 00:20:00,696
You know, I don't
wanna have to...

543
00:20:00,834 --> 00:20:01,834
Hey, look at that!

544
00:20:02,765 --> 00:20:03,972
Do you like it?

545
00:20:04,110 --> 00:20:05,455
Look at that.

546
00:20:05,593 --> 00:20:07,662
It's a little heart. Yeah.

547
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:09,121
There's nothing
wrong with a little heart.

548
00:20:09,145 --> 00:20:10,249
No.

549
00:20:10,387 --> 00:20:11,907
In fact, you gotta
have heart. Exactly.

550
00:20:12,765 --> 00:20:14,214
I was gonna put it on my arm,

551
00:20:14,352 --> 00:20:16,052
and then Ira thought maybe
a more private neighborhood.

552
00:20:16,076 --> 00:20:17,903
Ohh, well, good for him.

553
00:20:18,041 --> 00:20:20,041
This is a nice neighborhood.

554
00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:22,593
This is a whole new side of you.

555
00:20:22,731 --> 00:20:25,318
This is, uh, you
know, it's naughty

556
00:20:25,456 --> 00:20:26,800
and yet at the same time

557
00:20:26,938 --> 00:20:28,525
it's a little... Naughty.

558
00:20:30,662 --> 00:20:33,041
Wow, you and I haven't
visited this neighborhood

559
00:20:33,180 --> 00:20:34,352
in a long time.

560
00:20:34,490 --> 00:20:35,593
Ohh, good.

561
00:20:35,731 --> 00:20:36,771
Wait, where are you going?

562
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:37,903
What?

563
00:20:38,007 --> 00:20:39,487
I'm still looking at
the neighborhood.

564
00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:41,938
Well, take your time.

565
00:20:42,076 --> 00:20:44,490
No, I... This is very nice.

566
00:20:44,627 --> 00:20:46,052
Sweetie, at some
point, I was thinking

567
00:20:46,076 --> 00:20:47,156
of making my way
into the kitchen.

568
00:20:47,180 --> 00:20:48,696
Don't go to the kitchen.

569
00:20:48,834 --> 00:20:49,938
Come here.

570
00:20:50,076 --> 00:20:51,559
I'll go in the kitchen later.

571
00:20:54,490 --> 00:20:55,490
Whoops.

572
00:20:55,559 --> 00:20:56,839
And there goes the neighborhood.

573
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:08,800
♪ Heaven

574
00:21:09,834 --> 00:21:11,076
♪ I'm in heaven

575
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:13,559
♪ And my heart beats so

576
00:21:13,697 --> 00:21:16,180
♪ That I can hardly speak

577
00:21:16,318 --> 00:21:21,249
♪ And I seem to find
the happiness I seek

578
00:21:21,387 --> 00:21:25,594
♪ When we're out together
dancin' cheek to cheek

579
00:21:26,559 --> 00:21:28,041
♪ Heaven

580
00:21:28,180 --> 00:21:30,180
♪ I'm in heaven

581
00:21:30,318 --> 00:21:32,697
♪ And the cares
that hung around me

582
00:21:32,835 --> 00:21:34,801
♪ Through the week

583
00:21:34,938 --> 00:21:38,559
♪ Seem to vanish like
a gambler's lucky streak

584
00:21:39,559 --> 00:21:41,939
♪ When we're out together

585
00:21:42,076 --> 00:21:43,835
♪ Dancin' cheek to cheek

586
00:21:45,249 --> 00:21:47,041
♪ Heaven

587
00:21:47,697 --> 00:21:49,490
♪ I'm in heaven...

588
00:21:51,318 --> 00:21:52,870
♪ I'm in... ♪